Coke

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

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Love

Love is just like porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool.

Donkey

I need a Donkey for my Farm Town so I ain't the only ass on the farm!

Pie

This pie is going straight to my penis. Great, just what I need, a great big fat penis.

Promotion

Congratulations on your promotion.


Before you go...


Would you like to take this knife out of my back?


You'll probably need it again.

Golden Rule

I believe in the "Golden Rule" - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But DAMN I ain't giving no BJ's.

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Junk

Does anyone else's junk hit the toilet water? SUCKS!

Speed Limit?

What's the speed limit of sex?

68; at 69 you have to turn around.
 
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Doctor

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

Last night

I molested myself last night. I said no stop, but I just wouldn't listen.

Bar Whore

So these three guys walk into a bar... I forgot the joke, but your mother's whore!

Friday!

Dear Friday, I wuv you sooo much and I wood totally do you if you were a chick and not just a day. I wuv you sooo much in fact that I wood totally be willing to swap positions whenever you want... you know, I do the dishes and you watch the game kinda thing. Spank you Friday for being GREAT! P.S. bomchickawowow ♥

Alcohol

Dear John, (aka Alcohol)  I love you but wish you were nicer to my kidneys and liver.  They are very important to me and I think if you gave them a chance you would like them too.  I think you should make an effort to change your ways and be much friendlier to my body.  Why can't we all just get along???
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. You make everything purdy and I like that about you.

Fishing Opener This Weekend

Sperm Worm Fishing?????

Try this out for FUN!

Pick the month you were born:

January-------I Took A Bath With
February------I Bumped Uglies With
March----------I Bitch Slapped
April------------I Licked
May------------I Stabbed
June-----------I Dry Humped
July------------I Took a Poop On
August--------I Rubbed My Ass Against
September----I Brushed My Teeth With
October-------I Groped
November-----I Pissed On
December-----I Licked

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a Toaster
2-------a Puppy
3-------a Smelly Fish
4-------a Grapefruit
5-------my Dingaling
6-------a Nimfo
7-------my Laptop
8-------a Chicken
9-------my Friends Beaver
10-------my Cousins Uncles Brother In Law
11-------my Drug Dealer
12-------a Cell Phone
13-------my Sharona
14-------a Kitty Cat
15-------a Pig
16-------a Sheep
17-------a Mouse
18-------a Ten Foot Pole
19------- a Tuna Can
20-------a Dog Whistle
21-------a Midget
22-------a Crazy Cracka
23-------a Horseshoe
24-------a Nut
25-------a Crack Head
26-------my Doctor
27-------my Babysitter
28-------my Genitals
29-------a Nudist
30-------your Daddy
31-------your Mom

What is the last number of the year you were born:
1--------- Behind The Drug Store
2 --------- In A Dumpster
3 --------- In The Shitter
4 --------- While Streaking
5 --------- While Running From The Police
6 --------- After Rubbing Against Kittens
7 --------- Under The Table
8---------- On Top Of The Bar
9 -------- On The Back Seat
0 -------- At The Mall

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I Fucking Love Coloring!
Black---------because When I Think About You I Touch Myself.
Pink-----------because I'm a Hot Piece of Ass.
Red-----------because My Imaginary Friends Told Me To.
Blue-----------because I Do What I Want!
Green---------because Mt Therapist Won't Even Help Me Anymore.
Purple---------because I'm A Fucking Rock Star!
Gray----------because Everyone Wants to Touch My Junk.
Yellow---------because I Are Nucking Futs!
Orange--------because FUCK YOU, That's Why.
Brown---------because I Love To Hump Things.
Other----------because I'm a Vampire Bitches!
None----------because I can't control my bladder!

Now type out or and copy and paste the sentence you made. Fun to post to Facebook, etc!!!