Britches

Britches before hose. Seriously, I wear pants, not pantyhose.

Weed

Weed - What are we fighting for anyway? Who cares, everyone shares!
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Inglish?

Me Fale Inglish THat's unpossible

Goofy Cool Crazy Funny Shirts, Wild T-shirts, Adult Tees, Fun Pictures and Comics

Advice

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

Spoken to your Wife?

If you haven't spoken to your wife or girlfriend in years you should be commended. Cuz it is very polite that you didn't interrupt her.

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For Sale

Why do they say things are on sale and not, reduced sale price. Isn't everything you can buy "On Sale"? Just different prices?

Sniffing

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Funny Shirts

Fighting for Peace

Fighting for peace is light screwing for virginity!

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Penis Enlargement

If I bought and used all the penis enlargement drugs I get emailed my penis would have to go through rehab to get off the junk. if it didn't O.D. first.

Viagra

Someone dumped viagra in the water softner because our water has been hard for days!

Funny Bad Ass T Shirts

Monday

Monday, making one seventh of my life a living hell!

Funny Bad Ass T Shirts

My Ex

I miss my ex so much, it's almost as bad as having her around.

Your Sex is on Fire

Your Sex Is On Fire. If that's true, you may wanna get the checked out. Good song though.

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Ugly

I may be ugly, but at least I ain't got no money!

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What Grandpa told me

I'll never forget what my grandpa told me..... hmmm give me a minute, I'll think of it. hehe

When I was young... we used to have to walk 5 miles just to get a condom. Through 5 feet of snow, up hill both ways, wolves nipping at our feet, no shoes or socks, and in the dark without a flashlight. And we did all of this with a boner. hahahaha i don't care who you are that's funny right there.

More Funny Shirts & Sayings Here

Last Night

Man last nite was rough... I got home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.

Hump Day

Yay, it's HUMP DAY! Oh and look it's Wednesday too!

Whopper

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Blondes

If blondes have more fun, do they really know it?

Storming

When it's raining and it's storming the beer in the fridge needs pouring.

Funny Shirts with Funny Sayings!

Work

Walk fast and look worried, that's how you work hard.

Getting you Drunk!

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

Advice

Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

Tire

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

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Heaven!

I am in Heaven!!!! You know if it were run by Hitler.

Country Song

I am thinking about releasing a country Album, "I returned drunk from playing redneck horseshoes and hunting all day when I decided to kiss my sweetie with my fist after she ran my drunk, three legged dog over with her truck shortly after she got out of prison and burned down my momma's house."

Transformer

If I were a transformer, I would be known as Optimus Procrasterbator.

Funny Shirts

Fat Sack

I need a fat sack! It's not what you think though. I want one full of money! Then I can buy weed with it.

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iTampon

iTampon...there's and applicator for that.


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WOW

WOW

Laughs during Sex

My girl always laughs during sex... no matter what show she is watching.

These are FUNNY SHIRTS!

Looking like a fool

Looking like a fool with his genitals draggin on the ground. What? That isn't how it goes? MY BAD. Wish someone would have told me before I executed this.

OMG check it out - so funny!

Our Love

Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

Funny Shirts & Sayings

Oh Man

oh man, I think I just googled myself.

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife was seeing


another man, so he hired the famous

Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and

report any activities while he was gone.



A few days later, he received this report:



MOST HONORABLE SIR:



YOU LEAVE HOUSE

I WATCH HOUSE

HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.

HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.

HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.

I LOOK IN WINDOW.

HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.

HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.

HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.

I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE.

I NOT SEE.



NO FEE,

CHEN LEE.

Chippendales

I would like to think that Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are having a dance off right about now. I bet they both get to be Chippendales this time.

Monday

Monday is French for kick groin repeatedly.

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Switch Positions

"Darling" says a husband to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight". "What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".

Coke & Pepsi

Coke and Pepsi - penises and vagina's... despite the differences your mom thinks they taste the same.

Funny Shirts Click Here!

Middle Aged

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

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Boobs

A designer tried to develop a bra that stops women's boobs from bouncing up and down when running and doesn't show nipples when wet. Don't worry, we killed that homo!

Goofy & Funny T Shirts

Undressing You

I may not be undressing you with my yes, I might be Adding clothes.

You're awesome! You should go outside and play... hide and go fuck yourself!

Richard Simmons

If Richard Simmons released a work-out video with todays current music, would it be called Sweatin' to the Newdies?

Relationships

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes its better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Pregnant

Why is it when your girlfriend gets pregnant, they rub her belly and says congrats and no one rubs your dick and says good job?

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I ran into my ex the other day and it was great! But it dented the hell out of my car.

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Garage Sales

stoopid garage sales never have garages for sale?

Running

I am getting in shape. Unfortunately that shape is round... off to work out again. Still sore from the runs yesterday. Oh I mean my running yesterday. :O

Smart Ass

I am usually a smart ass, but I haven't been feeling well so I've just been an ass. I'm like a transformer. I shall be knownst as Optimus Douchebag.

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Calling In

Calling in healthy today.

Goofy & Funny T Shirts

Saturday

I was unaware that Saturday still had an 8:00 am! I am not impressed. I've had better.
Goofy & Funny Shirts

Learn From Your Mistakes?

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once?

Park & Ride

Park & Ride... very misleading

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Fuck Me

Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?

More Funny Sayings!

Nice

If you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me.

Makeup Sex

Makeup sex is almost worth fighting for, but not quite!

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Pot

Found the pot at the end of the rainbow. Too bad the leprechaun already smoked it.

Dishwasher

I think loading a dishwasher means getting my wife drunk.

More Funny Shirts Here!

Quickie

Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

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Censor

Facebook is so fun for a creative wacko like me. I don't get censored every three seconds like I do in public places... "Sir put your pants back on", "Sir, you can't smoke that in here", "EXCUSE ME, I didn't ask to see that!", "You can't call the President a Pig F*&%$#!", "Sir, I don't think that lady wants to sh...ow her boobies!", "Oh god! Stop peeing on that!", blah blah, censor censor

Funniest Shirts on the Planet!

Mario

I wish I was one of the Mario Brothers right now. Then I could eat shrooms and collect coins all day long. That wood be fantrabulous!!!

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Baked

I am heading back outside to get more baked. I wish the sun was out today.

Funniest Shirts On The Planet

Busy

I am busier than an Amsterdam hooker on a f#$% for free Friday! But that's good! I think.

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Show

My girl always laughs during sex... no matter what show she is watching.

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Condoms

Condoms, the lifeguards of the gene pool.

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Bitch

If I'm a bitch, you're probably the reason.

Coke

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

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Love

Love is just like porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool.

Donkey

I need a Donkey for my Farm Town so I ain't the only ass on the farm!

Pie

This pie is going straight to my penis. Great, just what I need, a great big fat penis.

Promotion

Congratulations on your promotion.


Before you go...


Would you like to take this knife out of my back?


You'll probably need it again.

Golden Rule

I believe in the "Golden Rule" - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But DAMN I ain't giving no BJ's.

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Junk

Does anyone else's junk hit the toilet water? SUCKS!

Speed Limit?

What's the speed limit of sex?

68; at 69 you have to turn around.
 
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Doctor

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

Last night

I molested myself last night. I said no stop, but I just wouldn't listen.

Bar Whore

So these three guys walk into a bar... I forgot the joke, but your mother's whore!

Friday!

Dear Friday, I wuv you sooo much and I wood totally do you if you were a chick and not just a day. I wuv you sooo much in fact that I wood totally be willing to swap positions whenever you want... you know, I do the dishes and you watch the game kinda thing. Spank you Friday for being GREAT! P.S. bomchickawowow ♥

Alcohol

Dear John, (aka Alcohol)  I love you but wish you were nicer to my kidneys and liver.  They are very important to me and I think if you gave them a chance you would like them too.  I think you should make an effort to change your ways and be much friendlier to my body.  Why can't we all just get along???
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. You make everything purdy and I like that about you.

Fishing Opener This Weekend

Sperm Worm Fishing?????

Try this out for FUN!

Pick the month you were born:

January-------I Took A Bath With
February------I Bumped Uglies With
March----------I Bitch Slapped
April------------I Licked
May------------I Stabbed
June-----------I Dry Humped
July------------I Took a Poop On
August--------I Rubbed My Ass Against
September----I Brushed My Teeth With
October-------I Groped
November-----I Pissed On
December-----I Licked

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a Toaster
2-------a Puppy
3-------a Smelly Fish
4-------a Grapefruit
5-------my Dingaling
6-------a Nimfo
7-------my Laptop
8-------a Chicken
9-------my Friends Beaver
10-------my Cousins Uncles Brother In Law
11-------my Drug Dealer
12-------a Cell Phone
13-------my Sharona
14-------a Kitty Cat
15-------a Pig
16-------a Sheep
17-------a Mouse
18-------a Ten Foot Pole
19------- a Tuna Can
20-------a Dog Whistle
21-------a Midget
22-------a Crazy Cracka
23-------a Horseshoe
24-------a Nut
25-------a Crack Head
26-------my Doctor
27-------my Babysitter
28-------my Genitals
29-------a Nudist
30-------your Daddy
31-------your Mom

What is the last number of the year you were born:
1--------- Behind The Drug Store
2 --------- In A Dumpster
3 --------- In The Shitter
4 --------- While Streaking
5 --------- While Running From The Police
6 --------- After Rubbing Against Kittens
7 --------- Under The Table
8---------- On Top Of The Bar
9 -------- On The Back Seat
0 -------- At The Mall

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I Fucking Love Coloring!
Black---------because When I Think About You I Touch Myself.
Pink-----------because I'm a Hot Piece of Ass.
Red-----------because My Imaginary Friends Told Me To.
Blue-----------because I Do What I Want!
Green---------because Mt Therapist Won't Even Help Me Anymore.
Purple---------because I'm A Fucking Rock Star!
Gray----------because Everyone Wants to Touch My Junk.
Yellow---------because I Are Nucking Futs!
Orange--------because FUCK YOU, That's Why.
Brown---------because I Love To Hump Things.
Other----------because I'm a Vampire Bitches!
None----------because I can't control my bladder!

Now type out or and copy and paste the sentence you made. Fun to post to Facebook, etc!!!